you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
