i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
