I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
