i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
