...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
