meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
