Umm I'm too high to move.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
