he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
