I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
