Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
