I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
