Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
