Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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