Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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