do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
as a side note pls kill me
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize