so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I smell like Dick and happiness
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
