Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
