i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
