yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
