i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize