Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize