i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
