i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
