I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
