she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
