So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
