I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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