winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
