it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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