If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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