omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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