And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
