I wish my penis had an off switch
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize