Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
