I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
