we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
