She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
