she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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