At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
