is your mom at the bar?
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
