I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
