Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
