There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
