her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
