i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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