he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
