I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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