You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
