Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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