I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
