I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
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