That's when you crack a 10am beer
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
