Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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