My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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