i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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