I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
