went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
