I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
