the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
