VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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