I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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