Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
