One girl and one boy is just not enough.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
