Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm way too hungover for life right now
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
