she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
