this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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