New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Blood and glitter go together right?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
