mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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