Don't you send me to vm
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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