It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
