Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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