whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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