I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
