ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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