I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
