just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
