I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
