oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize