I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
